Holy guacamole its Father Kelly

I've been thinking about this blog post for a while now. In fact I'm still in 2 minds about writing it. Mostly because I feel like I've done nothing but whine lately, and nobody likes a whiner (not to be confused with a wino which can be a lot of fun, weather permitting). Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably a sub-average mother at best. Blah, blah, blah, boo hoo etc. I'm really not looking for pity hugs here people, just calling it how it is. 

This realization came as quite a shock to me. Mostly because I've always made a point of avoiding things I'm bad at. So it came as quite a kick to my nonexistent balls when I realized I'm really bad at the thing I most want to be good at. So to cut a long story short, I spend all day, every day being "average at best". I'm living the dream... living the dream.

I'm praying for some real time to dedicate to my business. Mainly so I can get it off the ground, make some money and afford a nanny. But also so I can feel less "average at best" and more "best at best". But instead I spend all day every day running after my son like a demented shadow-person making sure he doesn't ingest/digest/impale/exhale/annihilate himself. Its driving me frickin' CRAZY. Deep breaths, deep cleansing breaths...

 But here's the kicker. Just before I sat down to write this, I got a Twitter alert saying that someone called Father Kelly is now following me. I hoped against all hopes it was spam - please, please let it be spam. But no. Father Kelly is a full-on man of the cloth. Frickin, frick, frick! Just to clarify, I'm not religious. Personally I think the whole religion thing is more trouble than its worth. But I was brought up Catholic, and Catholic guilt has been hammered into my DNA. So now I have a priest watching my every move. Nice. I'm being tailed by god. Or at least god's agent. Which is probably the same thing because Father Kelly most likely has a weekly status meeting with god and tells him how "sub average at best" I'm really being. Nice.

So Father Kelly, if you're reading this. I love my son. I'm going to try harder to like him too. Even when he kills my plants and drops my cell phone in the toilet. And I'm going to try not to find him so mind-numbingly boring. I'm going to try. Please tell god.

To all the rest of you, please send ideas for entertaining a 14 month old. Anything will do. First prizes will be given for ideas that entertain me too.

Comments

[drzibbs]

You my dear....are blessed.

Singned,

FatherKelly aka @DrZibbs (from the famous blog THAT BLUE YAK - see twitter profile for link and stop by and say helloooo)

[Claire Gutschow]

Thanks so much, you made my day. I thought for a while Id been disrespectful. And then I thought, thats all I need, to piss off gods top agent. Whew, relief. Love your blog by the way. Just commented on your Iphone/Android post. Do you really have a yak?

[Gayle Willington]

Clairabell. Firstly I am loving your blog - certainly not "sub-average at best". Being a Mum is certainly not the easiest job in the world and we can only strive to do our best. I was extremely lucky to have a wonderfully easy first child (a girl of course!) but was slapped in the face big time when Alex came along, to the point of now being on happy pills! Best thing to do is take one day at a time & if you are able try & get Micah into a nursery/playgroup for even 1 day a week so that you have some time to yourself. Chin up xxx

[drzibbs]

Yes I do have a Yak

And thanks for the comment on my famous blog.

[Claire Gutschow]

Thanks so much Gayle. This parenting thing is a very humbling experience thats for sure! Do you really think boys are more work than girls? That makes me feel better for some reason. Like Im still average at best, but in a higher league or something, haha! Lots of love to Hannah and Alex and with the running. Im super impressed that you manage to find time. That deserves a reward right there.

[bitethebedbugs]

Okay check THIS out! http://sophieandeleanor.blogspot.com/

and look at the picture of the priest of the month catalog. Why can't THOSE guys follow me. All the way home.

[Claire Gutschow]

Yeah I hear you, those priests are nice Italian eye candy. But honestly I wouldnt want any priest following me home. Because then theyd (sotto voce: you know... them... the men of the cloth) know where I live. And then Id live in constant paranoia that they may drop by. And then Id be too scared to ever curse again. And then Id explode. The end.

[annie valentine]

First off, I only hang out with whiners so you're already in. Secondly, any mother who doesn't complain now and then about tripping over toys is probably really just a father with a full-time job and a mistress on the side. The end.

Signed,
Disgusted at disgusted@hotmail.com

[Lee-Anne Scott]

Claire, I found you!
OMG (oops sorry Father Kelly) but you could be writing my blog for me. Finally I don't feel so alone in the world and please God can I have some real time to do work and not at the end of the day when I am so exhausted I can't think :-)

Absolutely love it and makes me want to drive 12 hours to come have a drink with you!

Signed,

Fellow mom in chaos

P.S. For the record, I don't think girls are easier, mine is very demanding and VERY busy all the time - I am watching Peppa Pig for the hundredth time at...6am

[Claire Gutschow]

Thanks so much for the moral support Lee-Anne. Yip, parenting is a wild ride. Micah doesnt like TV, so I dont really know what Peppa Pig is. Sounds horrific though! Have a glass of wine, its my fail-safe solution to everything. It used to be chocolate, but my ass is paying the ultimate price...