I look after our son full-time 6 days a week. And on the seventh day God created daycare. I know the supermoms out there will sigh and whisper tut-tut under their breaths. They'll say that real moms don't outsource their child rearing. Real moms home school their kids, and nurse them back to health with freshly squeezed orange juice. They cook like chefs and bake from scratch (no boxed cake mix for them). Real moms own red lipstick and sexy lingerie and they are the same weight as they were before kids. Well good for them.
I'm just not in their league. Sometimes I need a break. And by break I mean I need a day to work. To sit at my computer for 7 hours solid and use my brain. To relish intelligent adult conversation and make semi-important decisions. And most importantly, to shave my legs. Because there is nothing that says washed-out mom more than hairy legs.
The one decadent thing I do on my one day of weekly freedom is plot the downfall of Martha Stewart. I mean the woman single-handedly set women's' liberation back 50 years. I kid you not, this is Martha's story, really...
- She began her career as a model
- She finished school with straight A's and was awarded a scholarship to Barnard College
- She graduated with a double major in History and Architectural History
- She got married and after having her daughter, became a stockbroker at a top Wall Street firm
- She left her Wall Street career to set up a booming catering business, later publishing numerous mega-successful cook books
- She breeds champion show dogs, cats and horses and she has her own wine label
- Martha serves as chairwoman, president and CEO of Martha Stewart Omnimedia, Editor of Martha Stewart Living, Martha by Mail, marthastewart.com and marthastewartflowers.com
- Oh, and don't forget her TV show, The Martha Stewart Show, and her home improvement lines at Kmart and Sears
So basically the woman is a model, a wall street stock broker, a magazine editor, a TV host, a company president, a chef, a decorator, a gardener, a wife and a mom. Yay Martha! I have no idea how you did it but good luck.
Yes, she did some jail time along the way, but somehow she's managed to "rise above that pesky little incident" and pretend it never happened. And so her success continues unabated.
So here's my problem with Martha - she never admits to getting any help. I mean it is physically impossible to achieve success like that on your own. But she doesn't ever show us that. She sits there all perfect and beautiful and groomed and patronizingly robotic. And quite frankly it makes the rest of us feel like crap! Like we will never quite achieve Martha-like perfection.
So I've removed myself from the superwoman race. Martha's the clear winner anyway. From now on I'm just going to do my best. And that's the finest lesson I could ever teach my son... way better than the 10 commandments of pickling!
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